Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Goodbye Old, Hello New

When the year comes to a close, we sit back and reflect on the good and the bad of it. We smile over the memories we've made, the laughter we've shared with our loved ones, all of the wonderful experiences that have come into our lives and had a positive effect on us. We remember all of our struggles and burdens that the year had given us, whether it's a situation involving finances, trouble with relationships, health issues, or dealing with the grief of losing someone; we think of those situations that we wish that we could change but can't and hope for a better year. 

Last year has been one full of blessings and full of turmoil. My husband and I lost a very dear friend in April of 2013. It is a loss that we still feel to this day and we will never be the same from having loved and lost such a remarkable young man. After he was ripped from this world, we came to know his family better and developed a strong relationship with his brother. We went with the family a few times to some church services and we realized that we needed to get our lives right with the Lord and we found a wonderful church to attend that has helped us to grow spiritually. We moved from a three bedroom apartment in a small city to a beautiful two bedroom home in the valley. I thought that living closer to my family, going from an hour and fifteen minute drive to a ten minute drive down the mountain, would mean that we could see each other more and have stronger relationships but that didn't really happen. I did finally learn to accept certain situations, and one of those situations is accepting that, at least right now, I cannot have the life that I want to have here in TN. So I approached my husband with the desire to move up to PA and to be closer to his family. He didn't want to move at that time because he was happy with his job at the prison, so I told him that if he ever lost that job that we should just move up to PA. He was dismissed from his job just two weeks later (maybe even less time than that). Although the state has finally reviewed his case and decided he was eligible to work for the state again, he has been reluctant to go back for rehire. We believe at this point that moving up to PA is going to be the best thing for us and our children and we plan to do so after we get our income tax money.

With the close of last year, we are closing many doors and paving the way for new ones to open. I cannot predict the future but I am making plans that I believe will bring about the best one possible. I am determined to make this year one of our best ones yet and I believe that we can accomplish that goal. Today is the first day of the new year and the first day of the rest of our lives and I hope that you, reader, are every bit as determined to make the most of it as we are.

I am ready.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Believe - Poem

We claim to believe in Christ
but it must just be a lie
if we do not live a Christian life
as so few among us try
We argue against ourselves
as we hear His holy perfect Word
but what's the point of arguing
when we fail to practice what we've heard?
So focused on the wrong of others
we always fail to see
if we are living according to our Christian faith
or if we just claim that we believe

- Mandi Lynn © 2013

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Finding the Church of Christ

Growing up in a family that believed in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but who did not do much to actually practice those beliefs, it took me a long time to discover what it truly means to be a Christian. There were times as kids that we were brought to church services, and even a short period where we would attend regularly, and we were taught to pray and give thanks and even to sing praises at home. I even recall a time that my mom and her sister tried to start Bible studies at the house for my cousins and my siblings and I, but that also only lasted for a time.

It wasn't until I was an adult that I truly started to discover what Christianity was about and having a thirst for God. I remember sitting in the little run down trailer my husband and I owned one evening and thinking how badly I wanted to start being the person that I knew God wanted me to be. My husband must have been working, because I remember being home alone and not having a vehicle. The desire was so strong in me, however, that I decided to walk up to the church that was up at the end of the road on the corner. This was a good thirty minute walk or more and it was a hot evening, but it was worth it. I arrived a good hour early so I sat down on the church steps and waited. The preacher walked over sometime after, before the evening Bible study, and he greeted me and I told him about myself. He seemed surprised in a good way that I walked to church, happy to see such an enthusiasm for God. This happened to be my first dealings with the Church of Christ. I had never even known about the Church of Christ before, and the only church I could remember going to on a regular basis was an Assembly of God that we had attended for a few months when I was a child.

As I started going to the Church of Christ regularly, I started to see the differences in this church from other churches I had attended. They seemed to be much stricter in their beliefs, but less face it, your religion is not something you want to be casual or careless with. There were a lot of things I had been taught growing up that didn't make sense to me that I found out were actually wrong and went against what the Bible said. I had a lot of unlearning to do so that I could learn the truth of God's Word. After a time of attending, both my husband and I were baptized into the Church of Christ. I was so happy to be living the Christian life, doing my best even at home to try to please God.

But, much to my shame, things happened in my life and I let myself fall away from the church. After I fell away and back into the world, it was a good couple of years before I went to church again.

It started to weigh on me as mother when my oldest was two and my other being just a couple of months that I already wasn't raising my children in the way that God wanted me to. He had given me a grand responsibility, and I knew I wasn't upholding those responsibilities the way that I should. I started going to the Church of Christ in the town I had been living in at the time. Unfortunately, I didn't get to attend very long before we abruptly had to move. Having no place else to go, we stayed with my parents who were in a town over an hour away from the one we were living in. For awhile I still made every effort to continue to go to the same church, but it became too much to do so. Instead of finding a closer church as I should have, I simply fell away again.

It was another year before I started regularly going to church again.

When I started to go to church in the new town that I live in, the church I chose was a Baptist church. I liked it for it's size, it's many classes, and the wonderful people there. I had fallen away from the Church of Christ and went back to my previous ways of thinking.

My husband and I had a friend who was very dear to us. He was a great example of a young Christian man. Never had I met someone that age so devoted to God. He attended church regularly, went to Bible camps across the nation, and he never smoked, drank, or even swore; no, he was not perfect, but he did his best to live his life in a way that would honor God and he did a much better job of it than most people I know.

On April 17th, 2013, that friend was taken from us after a heavy rain caused the river going over his property to overflow across the bridge he had to cross. Losing someone who you are very close to is a life-changing experience. We could not know him and not be affected by him, we could not lose him and not be changed by the loss. We met his family whom we hadn't really had the pleasure to meet before. Though we had known him for a couple years, we had only gotten to be close to him for half that time. I was sitting at his family's house when his brother invited me to attend a gospel meeting with them. They were members of the Church of Christ, just as their son had faithfully been.

After attending a few of the meetings with them, I started being a member of the Church of Christ again. I was restored to the church just a few weeks ago. I am happy as I feel like I am back to where I need to be with God. My husband and I are now setting the right example for our small children. I hope to never fall away from the church, or my faith, again. Thank you God for being the God of second chances.

I am writing this post, and this little bit of religious background, because I have started to to do some really insightful online Bible studies and I plan to share the notes I take from these studies on my blog. I know that the name of Jesus is offensive to a lot of people, but His is the name that offers salvation. I hope that there will be those that will benefit from the lessons that I am going to post. And for those of you who do not want to read them, there will be no hard feelings. All of my posts are clearly marked for reference and you can simply skip over anything you don't want to see. :)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Jack and Jill: Shadowhunters - Chapter One


                The park is all but deserted, as would be expected at this time of night. It makes it a perfect place for us to meet, or else a really dangerous one. There is a motorcycle in the parking lot when I pull in and I park beside it. I don’t know a thing about bikes, but I can tell just by looking at this particular piece of machinery that it must have cost a pretty penny. It makes me wonder further about the man who I’ve come here to meet on this cold, winter night.

                The air assaults me when I climb out of the warmth of my car and I pull my red Moncler Alpin jacket tighter around me. Maybe I should have paid more attention to what I was wearing underneath instead of putting on any old thing I could find - which happened to be a flimsy tanktop and worn out jeans. Right now I couldn’t even be sure that the outfit I had thrown on was even clean. But it’s not like it matters how I look, this isn’t that kind of meeting. And I know that I shouldn’t be meeting this man at all alone in the middle of the night like this, but all the strange events that have been unfolding since the night of my eighteenth birthday keep my boot clad feet moving forward down the cobblestone path.

                My birthday had been pretty typical as far as birthdays go - a nice party that included all my friends and most of my family. There were gifts, great food, a beautiful three tier cake; everything you would expect at a birthday party. Temporary putting aside the broken heart I had been feeling from my two cats that had run away just days earlier, I managed to have a great time. That night after everyone else had gone home, I was feeling pretty tired so I decided to turn in a little early. I said goodnight to my parents, went to my room, and went straight to sleep. When I woke up the next day, my parents had disappeared.  There was no note, their vehicles were still in the driveway, and all of their possessions were accounted for. They had completely vanished without a trace.

                As if my parents unexplained dissappearance wasn't horrible enough, other strange things began to happen to me. Ever since my birthday, I always have the strange feeling like I’m being watched.  Wherever I go I sense that I’m being followed. And even worse than that, I’ve started to see strange things out of the corners of my eyes that aren’t there when I turn to look. I haven’t been able to sleep without a light on for weeks.

                Suddenly a restricted number began to call me. I ignored it at first, but after several calls and no messages, I answered it with the intention of giving the caller a piece of my mind. The man on the other end of the line told me he knew what was happening to me. He said he wanted to meet me at the park and, despite my better judgment, I agreed.

                And so here I am. I tread softly down the winding path, admiring the great elm trees as I go. Suddenly I see his silhouette sitting on one of the benches overlooking the pond. As I gain distance his features become more prominent. I wasn’t sure what I had expected, but it wasn’t the man that was standing before me.

                “You came,” he says in a tone that sounds almost wistful. He looks to be in his mid-twenties, which is younger than his voice had led me to believe on the phone. He brings to life that whole tall, dark, and mysterious thing, or was it supposed to be tall, dark, and handsome? Either way he fits the bill with his perfectly chiseled features, at least from what I can see.  Normally the first thing I notice when I meet someone is their eyes, but for some reason he is wearing dark sunglasses. There could be half a dozen reasons for that so I don’t even think about it. His dark hair goes down past his round ears. Even under his clothes, which were a pair of dark jeans, biker boots, and a white t-shirt under his open black leather jacket, I could see the outline of his muscles. 

                “Of course I came!” I exclaim at him. “I have no idea what the hell is going on! My parents have disappeared, people are following me, and I swear I’ve been seeing things, unexplainable things, like the kind of things that land you in the nuthouse. So if I have to come out here in the middle of the night to meet some random stranger that has either been stalking me or possibly the person behind it all just so that I can finally get some answers, so be it. Yes, I came, and now you had better tell me whatever you know right now.” I cross my arms the way that my mother always did in that no-nonsense way of hers. Does, I correct myself. I have no idea what could have happened to my parents but I can’t give up hope that they are still alive.

                He stares at me for a minute without saying a word. I’m not really much to look at normally, but these past few weeks have really done a number on me. There are dark shadows under my brown eyes and my auburn hair hasn’t been properly cared for in days. My cheeks are hallowed and I’m much thinner than I’m used to being for lack of a desire to eat. When the people you love are taken from you and you start to feel like you are going crazy, keeping up with your appearance is not on your list of priorities. I hoped the body spray I used would mask the fact that I hadn't showered since, when was it? But even then I didn't really care.

                “We should walk,” he says finally. “It’s not safe to stay in any one place for too long when there aren’t many lights.”

                “Why?” I ask, shifting my eyes around for the shadows I’m almost sure are there.

                “Just trust me,” he says and then starts to walk further up the path. With few other choices, I decide to follow him. We walk in unison with me standing a little closer than I’d like to by his side. Being so close I get this feeling that there is something different about him but I can’t place what it is. It’s not necessarily a bad sort of different, but it’s not necessarily a good one either. Suddenly he asks, “Do you hear anything?”
               
                I try to listen, but other than the sound of our own footsteps I don’t hear a thing. I tell him as much. “Don’t you find that odd?” He asks. “It’s the middle of the night, yes, but you would still expect to hear something. We are near the pond, there are fields around us, and yet not a single sound. You would expect to hear crickets and toads at the least.”

                I shrug. With everything in my life going on right now I could care less about insects or amphibians. He seems a little perturbed that I’m not bothered by it, which is ridiculous. “Alright,” he says, “How about this: do you have any pets?”

                “I had two cats,” I admit, ignoring the eye roll he gave me. So what, I’m a cat person. I like to think of them as kindred spirits. “But they ran away.”

                “Around your eighteenth birthday, right?” I nod, wondering how he could have possibly guessed that. My heart was still broken over my babies having run away, but with my parents disappearance I didn’t have the time or energy to continue looking for them. There were still flyers up with a small reward offered for their safe return, hopefully someone would find them and bring them home to me. “Your cats ran away because they couldn’t stand to be around you anymore.”

                “Hey!” I shout, genuinely offended. “I took great care of my kitties. I loved them, played with them, groomed them, fed them the right kind of kitty food, bought them little toys…”

                “Yes,” he says a little curtly, breaking me off,  “I don’t mean that you were mean or neglectful. I mean that animals can sense things that people cannot.  They left you because they sensed that you were different and they became afraid of you. I mentioned the crickets earlier because even they can sense that, and that is why you don’t hear them right now.”

                “Okay, I’ll bite,” I say with disdain. “How am I different?”

                He stops walking and turns to face me. His lips are drawn in a grim line. He seems to want to reach out to me, but thinks better of it. With a deep breath he says, “You aren’t human anymore.”

                I stood silence for a few seconds in the shock of his words, but then I burst out with laughter so fierce that my eyes watered. He must be some kind of an actor to be able to say that with a straight face. This was obviously one of my friend’s little joke to try and cheer me up. “Oh, you are good,” I say while wiping the tears from my eyes. “You almost had me there. Who put you up to this? It was Dianne right? She is always pulling all these stupid little pranks; I should have known that’s what this was.”

                “I didn’t expect you to believe me right away,” he says in all seriousness. “I didn’t either at first.”

                “No, seriously, you can stop now,” I say, finally over my laughing fit. “The jig is up. It’s been real fun, honestly, but it’s late and I really do have things I seriously need to work out. So thank you, but you know, goodbye.”

                I turn to leave, but he grabs my arm. Ignoring my protests, he raises his free hand to his face and removes his glasses. His eyes are blue, and they are glowing.

                I roll my eyes. “Contacts? You really went all out, didn’t you?”

                He raises an eyebrow at me and I can’t help but notice how sexy the expression looks on him, which is an extremely inappropriate thing for me to be thinking at the moment. “Do they really have contacts like these?” He asks. “Well, regardless, these are not contacts babe. These are the eyes of the cursed and soon enough your eyes will be glowing every bit as bright as mine.”

                “They aren’t that bright,” I say stupidly. I’m not sure what to say exactly, I’m starting to feel nervous. He seems to be agitated that I don’t believe his little quip. Then I start to realize that although it’s most likely this guy is just acting out a prank set up by one of my friends, there is also a second, scary possibility that this guy is a lunatic who actually believes what he is saying to be true. And that lunatic is still holding on to my arm. Alarmed, I tug my arm back. “Let me go!” I begin to shout.

                “You have to listen to me,” he pleads, “they are here now.”

                “Let me go you crazy freak!” With a final tug of my arm, I am free and running away from him back to the direction of my car. My heart is pounding a mile a minute inside my chest. Adrenaline is shooting through me and I’m running faster than I ever thought I could when I chance a look back to see if he is pursuing me. That’s when I trip and fall flat on my face.

                Moaning, I roll over onto my back and sit up. I can see the man in the distance exactly where I left him. What the hell was I thinking coming out here anyway? Since when did I become so reckless? I had always been the cautious one in the family, never taking unnecessary risks and always planning everything out. I was beginning to feel like it wasn’t just my parents that I had lost, but myself too.

                Suddenly the man was motioning to me franticly and shouting, “Watch out!”

                I look around and I can see them, and not just from the corners of my eyes anymore. The shadows are in shapes that I can’t even begin to describe, and they aren’t flat like a shadow on the ground or on the wall. They are living, breathing creatures that seem to emerge from the darkness like ink and pour into sustenance. Their beady little eyes are glowing, and looking straight at me. Then, all at once, they start coming toward me at an alarming speed.

                I find myself back on my feet and running again without even realizing I had gotten up. If I thought I had been running fast before, it was nothing compared to the ferocity I was using now. Somehow I know that if these strange creatures get their hands on me that they will kill me. In my panic I find myself running back toward the man who I had only just been trying to escape. I feel a small amount of relief when he pulls some sort of weapon out of his jacket, but as I get closer I see it’s not really a weapon at all and it’s so comical I would have laughed again if not for being short of breath.

                The beam from the flashlight wasn’t very bright, but it was light all the same. I could feel that the shadows were just at my heels when I reached the man; crashed right into him is more like it. Throwing my arms around him, I cling on for dear life. In a bizarre situation where I’m being chased by shadowlike creatures and my savior is a man with a flashlight and glowing eyes, the absurd thought that was going through my mind at that moment was how good he smelled.

                “They’re gone now,” he said after a moment. “You can let go of me if you want.”

                “Right,” I say, feeling slightly embarrassed now that it was over. I chance a look around and see that the shadows have indeed disappeared. I pry myself off of him with a slight blush to my face.

                “Do you still think that this is all some stupid prank?” He asks me, as if it hadn’t just become abundantly clear to me that it wasn’t.  I shake my head, not entirely sure what to say. Or think. Or feel. I’m on the verge of tears, or maybe more hysterical laughter, I’m not sure which. He must notice it too because he asks, “Do you want to go get some coffee?”

                “That would be…fantastic,” I say graciously. “And a big slice of chocolate cake.”

                He arches his eyebrow at me again and I feel butterflies in my belly. I squash them down. “That I can do,” he says with a grin that shows he has dimples. Even with his glowing eyes, which I’m still not entirely convinced aren’t contacts, he is one gorgeous specimen. We start walking down the path again and this time I don’t mind standing so close to him, or his flashlight.

                “So what’s your name?” I finally think to ask. “I feel like I should know it now that I’ve practically fondled you and everything.”

                With a warm laugh he replies, “It’s Jack.”

                I stop in my tracks. “Jack? Seriously?”

                “Yes Jill, I am completely serious. Haven’t you learned that yet?”

                Shaking my head, I push the immediate thoughts of what had just occurred tonight out of my mind. Sure, I had a ton of questions, but I knew I would get my answers soon enough. At the moment all I wanted to think about was thoughts of mouthwatering chocolate cake and a nice smelling man named Jack. 


(This work is copyrighted and has been published online via a collabroative story community website)

Friday, May 10, 2013

Lucky Few - Poem

It was in a dream of a dream
that I found myself sitting by a stream
and in the water I saw a reflection
which to my eyes was perfection
for what I saw in the water
was an angel, Heaven's daughter
I moved my gaze up a bit
and threw my mouth open in a fit
for I saw feet perfect and bare
on top of the water, just standing there
my gaze again I did little move
to find white garment, silky smooth
and then my gaze to her chest
where praying her arms would cross her breast
and from her back her wings did spread
and then my gaze to the halo on her head
most Heavenly of all was her face
that spoke of His glory and His grace
she smiled at me and peace I did feel
for all of my uncertainies she did steal
against the night my angel did glow
and why she came to me I was soon to know
her voice I heard in my mind
a voice so soft I knew it not mine
"Beware," my angel softly said
her voice so beautiful in my head
"The time is coming and you are not ready
your faith thus far has been unsteady
He will come as a stranger by night
and take from this world what is His by right
and He will only take a lucky few
and as it stands now He will not take you
for although your heart is in the right place
you bring unto Him daily disgrace
for day by day you knowingly sin
to engage in the pleasures the world has within
your worldly desires are what you hold most dear
and so have pushed Him away when He drew near
only He can give you true happiness within
and you must repent if you are to spend eternity with Him
for it is not enough to simply believe
you must do as He commands if you wish to receive
all the blessings He would bestow unto you
and if you want to be one of His lucky few."
I stood there dumbfounded as I knew not what to say
and in an instance my angel faded away
and then I awoke, her words with me still
for although I was sleeping our encounter was real
her words in my heart will always stay
and I will do my best not to go astray
and I am sharing this with you, my friend,
for the day will come when this world will end
and He will come for His lucky few
and on His list I hope to be me and you


- Mandi Lynn © 2006

Thursday, May 9, 2013

In Honor Of Mother's Day

Mother's Day is fast approaching. Don't forget to tell your Mommy how much you love them on May 12th! In honor of Mother's Day, I am going to share with you all a poem that I wrote quite awhile ago for my own Mommy.

Mother

I try so hard to be perfect
  so that you will be proud
  but when I try to walk without your hand
  I stumble and fall to the ground
I want to get out in the world
  it's a world I do not know
  but I can't make it out there
  without your soil to make me grow
I want so eagerly to fly away
  like a butterfly, oh so small
  but without your wings to guide me
  I will only fall
I try so hard to be perfect
  as perfect as I can
  but now I see it in your eyes
  I'm loved the way I am

- Mandi Lynn © 2002

I am so thankful for my mother. I am glad that I have a mother that I can talk to about anything without being judged, a mother who is always there for me no matter what, who continues to love me unconditionally even when I am not the most deserving of it, a mother who was my first, and still is, best friend. I'll never forget our midnight trips to go and grab some fast food and sit and talk, or when we would just park in a church parking lot and have deep meaningful conversations without anyone else around. I'll never forget how hard she worked to get me that beautiful car (which I later totaled :/ ) or any of the other things she has done for me over my twenty plus years. She has done so much for me and I know that I would not be where I am now if it was not for her. There is a great comfort in knowing that her arms will always be open to me. No matter where I will go in this life, home to me will always be where she is. I love my Mommy, I really, really do.



Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Bright Pink Butterfly - Poem

A bright pink butterfly comes flittering past 
as I fall down on the dew covered grass
The gentle wind twirls through my tousled hair
and the flowers dance wildly without any care
Finally the storm clouds have passed us by
and the sun shines brightly in the soft blue sky
The tender rays caress my tear stained face
the warmth wraps around me in the sweetest embrace
I close my eyes and rest there on the grassy floor
I know now that I don't have to cry anymore
I can feel your peace settling over me
and the warmth of your love graciously setting me free
For too long this grief has taken hold of my heart
but now you whisper that it is time for the healing to start
A bright pink butterly comes flittering past
and I finally find peace there on that dew covered grass


- Mandi Lynn © 2013