Finding the Church of Christ

Growing up in a family that believed in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but who did not do much to actually practice those beliefs, it took me a long time to discover what it truly means to be a Christian. There were times as kids that we were brought to church services, and even a short period where we would attend regularly, and we were taught to pray and give thanks and even to sing praises at home. I even recall a time that my mom and her sister tried to start Bible studies at the house for my cousins and my siblings and I, but that also only lasted for a time.

It wasn't until I was an adult that I truly started to discover what Christianity was about and having a thirst for God. I remember sitting in the little run down trailer my husband and I owned one evening and thinking how badly I wanted to start being the person that I knew God wanted me to be. My husband must have been working, because I remember being home alone and not having a vehicle. The desire was so strong in me, however, that I decided to walk up to the church that was up at the end of the road on the corner. This was a good thirty minute walk or more and it was a hot evening, but it was worth it. I arrived a good hour early so I sat down on the church steps and waited. The preacher walked over sometime after, before the evening Bible study, and he greeted me and I told him about myself. He seemed surprised in a good way that I walked to church, happy to see such an enthusiasm for God. This happened to be my first dealings with the Church of Christ. I had never even known about the Church of Christ before, and the only church I could remember going to on a regular basis was an Assembly of God that we had attended for a few months when I was a child.

As I started going to the Church of Christ regularly, I started to see the differences in this church from other churches I had attended. They seemed to be much stricter in their beliefs, but less face it, your religion is not something you want to be casual or careless with. There were a lot of things I had been taught growing up that didn't make sense to me that I found out were actually wrong and went against what the Bible said. I had a lot of unlearning to do so that I could learn the truth of God's Word. After a time of attending, both my husband and I were baptized into the Church of Christ. I was so happy to be living the Christian life, doing my best even at home to try to please God.

But, much to my shame, things happened in my life and I let myself fall away from the church. After I fell away and back into the world, it was a good couple of years before I went to church again.

It started to weigh on me as mother when my oldest was two and my other being just a couple of months that I already wasn't raising my children in the way that God wanted me to. He had given me a grand responsibility, and I knew I wasn't upholding those responsibilities the way that I should. I started going to the Church of Christ in the town I had been living in at the time. Unfortunately, I didn't get to attend very long before we abruptly had to move. Having no place else to go, we stayed with my parents who were in a town over an hour away from the one we were living in. For awhile I still made every effort to continue to go to the same church, but it became too much to do so. Instead of finding a closer church as I should have, I simply fell away again.

It was another year before I started regularly going to church again.

When I started to go to church in the new town that I live in, the church I chose was a Baptist church. I liked it for it's size, it's many classes, and the wonderful people there. I had fallen away from the Church of Christ and went back to my previous ways of thinking.

My husband and I had a friend who was very dear to us. He was a great example of a young Christian man. Never had I met someone that age so devoted to God. He attended church regularly, went to Bible camps across the nation, and he never smoked, drank, or even swore; no, he was not perfect, but he did his best to live his life in a way that would honor God and he did a much better job of it than most people I know.

On April 17th, 2013, that friend was taken from us after a heavy rain caused the river going over his property to overflow across the bridge he had to cross. Losing someone who you are very close to is a life-changing experience. We could not know him and not be affected by him, we could not lose him and not be changed by the loss. We met his family whom we hadn't really had the pleasure to meet before. Though we had known him for a couple years, we had only gotten to be close to him for half that time. I was sitting at his family's house when his brother invited me to attend a gospel meeting with them. They were members of the Church of Christ, just as their son had faithfully been.

After attending a few of the meetings with them, I started being a member of the Church of Christ again. I was restored to the church just a few weeks ago. I am happy as I feel like I am back to where I need to be with God. My husband and I are now setting the right example for our small children. I hope to never fall away from the church, or my faith, again. Thank you God for being the God of second chances.

I am writing this post, and this little bit of religious background, because I have started to to do some really insightful online Bible studies and I plan to share the notes I take from these studies on my blog. I know that the name of Jesus is offensive to a lot of people, but His is the name that offers salvation. I hope that there will be those that will benefit from the lessons that I am going to post. And for those of you who do not want to read them, there will be no hard feelings. All of my posts are clearly marked for reference and you can simply skip over anything you don't want to see. :)

In Honor Of Mother's Day

Mother's Day is fast approaching. Don't forget to tell your Mommy how much you love them on May 12th! In honor of Mother's Day, I am going to share with you all a poem that I wrote quite awhile ago for my own Mommy.

Mother

I try so hard to be perfect
  so that you will be proud
  but when I try to walk without your hand
  I stumble and fall to the ground
I want to get out in the world
  it's a world I do not know
  but I can't make it out there
  without your soil to make me grow
I want so eagerly to fly away
  like a butterfly, oh so small
  but without your wings to guide me
  I will only fall
I try so hard to be perfect
  as perfect as I can
  but now I see it in your eyes
  I'm loved the way I am

- Mandi Lynn © 2002

I am so thankful for my mother. I am glad that I have a mother that I can talk to about anything without being judged, a mother who is always there for me no matter what, who continues to love me unconditionally even when I am not the most deserving of it, a mother who was my first, and still is, best friend. I'll never forget our midnight trips to go and grab some fast food and sit and talk, or when we would just park in a church parking lot and have deep meaningful conversations without anyone else around. I'll never forget how hard she worked to get me that beautiful car (which I later totaled :/ ) or any of the other things she has done for me over my twenty plus years. She has done so much for me and I know that I would not be where I am now if it was not for her. There is a great comfort in knowing that her arms will always be open to me. No matter where I will go in this life, home to me will always be where she is. I love my Mommy, I really, really do.

FAM(ILY)

I'm sure you all have seen the photo that says:

Fri(END)

Boyfri(END)

Girlfri(END)

Bestfri(END)

Everything has an END except Fam(ILY) <= it has (I LOVE YOU)

I thought that it was pretty neat. Family – they are the foundation that made you who you are. Whether you’ve come from a bad childhood or a great one, from a family that was negligent or a model family that all other families should aspire to be like; their actions have affected you and impacted your life which led you to make the choices that have molded you into the person that you are today.

My family; what can I say about my family?

I had a wonderful childhood and my family loved me dearly. They were supportive, encouraging, and thoughtful. I am blessed with many happy memories from my youth.

I had a terrible childhood and my family didn’t know how to love me. They were unsupportive, demeaning, and careless. I am cursed with many unhappy memories from my youth.

You wouldn’t think it would be possible to say both things, but both things are true for me. Sometimes they were the former statement, sometimes they were the latter. I had just one family and we had many great moments together and many horrible moments together. Maybe it was me, maybe some days I was so horrible that they had to be horrible to me in turn. Maybe some days I was so wonderful that they were wonderful to me in turn. 

I’ve suffered abuse; I’ve experienced love.  

My parents gave me a stable home and so they gave me security. I’ve only ever seen my parents argue two times. This is not to say they never argued, but that they were smart enough to do it behind closed doors. They have never called each other nasty names or done things to hurt each other. Though they would often disagree, they wouldn’t turn it into a fight.

Both of my parents were hard workers. My father had the same job for eighteen plus years, until the economy fell through and the company went under. I've seen my dad go to work sick on plenty of occasions, unless he was dying he would go to work even in a snowstorm, I know, because it happened.

My parents were at odds with each other when it came to raising their three kids. My mother was the disciplinarian and my father was resigned. My mother was strict and overbearing where my father was lenient and permissive. I wish they could have molded together into one parental unit instead of being complete opposites.

My mother and I would argue terribly, perhaps because I’m a lot like her. My smart mouth was inherited from her after all. I also inherited her impatience, edginess, and anxieties. I wish I could have inherited my dad’s self-control and easy-going  demeanor.

My mother was not a monster. In fact, she is one of my best friends. She taught me a great deal of things. Most of my morals and values come from her. She taught me responsibility and loyalty. I got my love of reading, writing, and my ability to do well at school from her too. She gives me advice, is a comfort to me, and is always there when I need her. We had a lot of good times together. We had a lot of bad times together too.

Whenever she and I would get into a big disagreement, we would go into our separate rooms and write a letter to the other. We would communicate via letters so that we would listen without interrupting and work out the problem. I remember little drives we would go on late at night just to talk. I remember a mom who would brush my long brown hair and tell me that she loved me. A mom who would cry after we fought and tell me she was sorry for hurting me, for the horrible things she had said to me, for the horrible way she had treated me.

She would think it was her fault for being a bad mom. I would think it was my fault for being a bad daughter.

I had a horrible childhood and I had a wonderful childhood. It taught me many things and shaped me into who I am today. I’m really close to my family, so close that I picked up my life and followed them when they moved out of state. I can’t stand to be living an hour away from them now because it feels like so far.

I forgive my parents for all the mistakes they made in raising their children. I forgive them for the emotional and yes even physical abuse. I forgive them for all the things they did wrong because I know that they did their best and also because I can commend them for all of the many things they did right. I thank them for the love they gave, the support, and for the fact that I know I will always have a home and a family that I can depend on. I’m thankful they always kept us all close and together.

I’m thankful to my family; I’m thankful for my family. Although I hope to not make all the same mistakes they did, I know they will be there for me while I make my own mistakes. I’d be nothing without my family, after all, if not for them I wouldn’t even be alive.

Who Are You?

          "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

          - Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday To You!

          When I was little, my mom used to have this joke going where she would say to me, "If I am me, and you are you, who are you?" and of course I would answer, "Me!" for which she would reply, "No, I am me, and you are you, so who are you?" and then I would say, "You!" and she would repeat the last phrase over again. It was a cute little joke I'm sure she picked up from somewhere and I would laugh afterwards and go and share it with someone else. The memory brings a warm little smile to my face thinking about simpler times when it didn't matter that I didn't know exactly who I was. Now, many years later, I'm still not really sure and I find that it's becoming an issue. 

          "Who are you?" I whisper to myself as I look despairingly into the mirror. Sure, there are plenty of labels that I could associate with myself, probably even a few rather unkind ones. But are those labels the sum of who I am? If so, I might be in trouble. "Who are you?" Regardless of what answer I could sum up for myself, the truth of it is I am not who I want to be.

          I've been doing some soul searching and thinking about what kind of fingerprint that I want to leave on this world after I'm gone and I am going to strive to become the person that leaves such a print. The problem is that I've spent twenty plus years becoming the person that I am today and so it is probably going to take a bit of time to become the more mature, more understanding, and more affectionate person that I want to be. And I hope that the past of who I have been will not constrain me from reaching the brighter, more beautiful future that I now seek. I'm quick to forgive, but I am not always quick to be forgiven. May those who know me for who I was not let the sum of my past mistakes keep them from seeing who I am and who I am yet capable of becoming. As I like to say, there is beauty in even the most unlikely of things when you look deep enough.

          "Who am I?" I am a work in progress, full of great potential wanting to burst free. I am someone with a mind capable of acheiving great knowledge, a heart capable of feeling great love, a mouth capable of bringing forth powerful words, and two hands capable of helping myself and others equally. With my ears I will listen, with my eyes I will see, and with my soul I will come to great understanding. You see, I am someone who wants to leave a positive impression everywhere I go and on everyone I meet; someone who is finding their voice and taking all of the small steps that make the biggest of differences in the most hopeless of places. And now that I have found out who I am, I wish to ask you one thing - "If I am me, and you are you, who are you?"